chitika

Thursday 27 November 2014

LAUGH AND BE HEALTHY

LAUGH AND BE HEALTHY



An American company had this written on the back of salary receipts:  "Your salary is your personal business, and should not be disclosed to anyone."
A new employee in signing the receipt wrote on it:  "I won't mention to anybody.  I am as ashamed of it as you are."

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An employee applied for leave as follows:  "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one week leave"

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Repeat the words the defendant used," said the lawyer.
"I'd rather not.  They are not fill to tell a gentleman."
"Then," said the attorney, "Whisper them to the judge."

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Nurse:  "Doctor, there's a man in the waiting room who claims he is invisible."
Doctor:  "Tell him I can't see him."

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An employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I have t go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave."

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The local doctor says he doesn't believe in unnecessary surgery - he won't operate unless he really needs the money.

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A foreigner asks a sardarji in the toilet.
"Hi man, how do you do?"
"We remove underwear and do." says the sardarji.

Monday 24 November 2014

FUNNY QUOTES

FUNNY QUOTES


Marriage is the main reason for divorce.


Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.


Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.


Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


Life is beautiful… from Friday to Monday.


Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.


Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.


I could not repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.


Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


Don’t drink while driving – you will spill the beer.


The most valuable money is the money that you have to give back.


A bad boxer does not need toothpaste.

Sunday 23 November 2014

Sense of Humor

Sense of Humor



New Yorker (looking at Niagara Falls):  "I bet you don't have anything like this in India."
Indian:  "We don't, but we have a plumber in town who could fix that leak in ten minutes."

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Father:  "When I was of your age, I was working for 100 dollars a week in a store and at the end of four years, I owned the store."
Son:   "You can't do that nowadays.  They have cash registers."

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A nurse to a doctor.

"This is the seventh operating table you've ruined this month, doctor.  Please don't cut so deep."

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"Do you think I should put more fire into my editorials?" the writer asked.
"No," said the editor, "Vice Versa."

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Ramu:  "Why has a woman never been a President?"
Srinu:  "Don't you know the president has to be over 35?"

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"I can't quite diagnose your case," said the doctor, I think it's due to drink."
"All right, Doctor," said the patient gravely.  "I'll come sometime when you are sober."

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