chitika

Tuesday 3 February 2015

SMART JOKES

SMART JOKES




Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?" 
Student: "HIJKLMNO." 
Teacher: "What are you talking about?" 
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

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Wife: "I am  fat. any compliment to me?" 

Husband: "You always says the truth."

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10 Facts About You: 

1. You're reading this now. 
2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact. 
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3. 
5. You're checking now. 
6. You're smiling. 
7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid. 
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8. 
10.You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this. 

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Human beings get rich as they grow old:
Silver in Hair; Gold in Teeth; Sugar in Blood; Precious Stones in Kidneys
and 
a never ending supply of Gas.

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Only 3 living beings are immune to cold:
1.  Polar bears
2.  Penguins.
3.  Girls and women wearing sleeveless and backless dresses in marriages during severe winter.

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What's the difference between us and camels?

Camels  can work without drinking for days and we cannot work if we "drink".
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When i see names carvved into a tree, i don't think its cute, i just think it's strange, how many people carry knives during dates.
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How to save a Dying Woman?

Tell her 90% SALE is going on somewhere...

Thursday 15 January 2015

HUMOROUS STUFF

HUMOROUS STUFF






जिस हॉस्पिटल के हम डॉक्टर हैं,
हमारी पत्नी वहा की नर्स हैं
क्या अजीब ज़ुल्म सहना पड़ता हैं
अपनी ही बीवी को सिस्टर कहना पड़ता हें

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पागल हे वो लोग जो अपने लवर को मिस किया करते हे
अरे!! मिस करना हे तो मच्छर को करो
जो अपनी जान पर खेल कर आप को किस किया करते हे


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मजनू को लैला का SMS नही आया..
मजनू ने 3 दिन से खाना नहीं खाया..
मजनू मरने वाला था लैला के प्यार में
और लैला बेती थी SMS FREE होने के इंतेज़ार में.

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Agar pyaar sath ho to tanhayi nahi hoti
Sachche pyaar mein kbhi bewafai nahi hoti
Par agar ek baar pyaar ho jaaye
To kitne hi coaching center join kar lo
Par padhaai nahi hoti

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Ankho me aansu, chehre par hansi hai,
Saanso me aahein, Dil me bebasi hai,
Pehle kyun nahi bataya ki, darwaje mein ungli fansi hai !


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Don't worry if you don't have a valentine on valentine's day

Most people don't even have AIDS on World AIDS day

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Advice to All Youth:
If you want to change the country, do it now.
Once you get married, you won't be able to change even the TV channel!

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Safety Tip for Winters !!


Stand in front of mirror
with one glass of water...

throw water on the mirror
& say-
" Ahaa.. Nahaa liye..!

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Earlier:
Love starts with eyes
Grow with gifts
Ends with tears

Now:
Love starts from cellphone
Grows with msgs
&
Ends with
"The number you are calling is currently busy please try again later"

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When I was a child,
My mom would send me down to the corner store with a 10.rs & I'd come back with
5kgs of potatoes,
2 loaves of bread,
3 packs of milk,
A pack of cheese,
A packet of tea,
& half dozen eggs.

You can't do that now. Too many damn....

Security cameras

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AMAZING Answers to Genuine Questions

1) When will a horse have 6 legs?
A:  When someone rides on it.

2) Where does Monday comes before Sunday?
A:  In a dictionary.

3) Where do you find a lot of cities without single house?
A:  In a map.

4) How can you double your money in just seconds?
A:  Show it in front of a mirror

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Why are wives "more" dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life...
The wives want both.

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If a single teacher can't teach us all the subjects.
Then how could any one can expects a single student to learn all subjects?

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UNIVERSAL TRUTH.

No one is as ugly as their identity card picture,

nor as good-looking as their Facebook profile picture.

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Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?

because it means...

E-End of
T-thinking
C-capacity

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