chitika

Thursday 4 December 2014

JOKES BY GREAT PEOPLE

JOKES BY GREAT PEOPLE



George Bernard Shaw sent Sir Winston Churchill two tickets to his new play. "Bring a friend if you have one," Shaw wrote.
Churchill replied, "I can’t attend that night, but perhaps some other night, if there are any others after the opening performance."

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Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a Dinner Party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!"
Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!"

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Once a beautiful woman asked Shaw, 'Sir, imagine if both of us get married, our children get my beauty and your brain'.
Then Shaw replied, 'But, what if they get my beauty and your brain'.

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Someone once asked Churchill, ‘What is the difference between a calamity and a disaster?’
Churchill replied ‘Well, if Prime Minister Gladstone accidentally falls into river Thames then that is a calamity’ he paused for a second and continued ‘however, if someone jumps into the Thames and saves his life, then it is a disaster’

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As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

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Actual letter written for application of leave: ‘My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave’.

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Letter writing:- ‘I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.’

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A sign board in a psychiatrist’s clinic.

"Amnesia patients must pay in advance."

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Santa Singh and Banta Singh went to the market to buy new glasses for drinking lassi.  They entered the crockery shop and saw the glasses.  Usually glasses are kept upside down in a crockery shop.  Looking at the glasses, a conversation took place between them. 
Santa Singh:  "Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.  The top is closed.  How can you fill lassi in it?
Banta Singh:  "Yes, that’s funny, even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay when the bottom is open?"

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